Talk:500 Years of Solitude/@comment-66.231.52.17-20140106192211/@comment-5829204-20140106195025
So here is my pitch: "The young and goregeous April Young returns to her hometown of Mystic Falls after she spent 7 years in a psychiatric ward trying to forget that vampires ever existed. In a smart and not-at-all stupid move she moves in into the old Salvatore mansion and meets the dark and mysterious Damien. Damien turns out to be the son of Elena and Damon, two of her former co-residents in town. As his cousin, the mildly attractive, Stephen comes to town April discovers the dark truth: they're gaypires ! They sparkle in sunlight, must always resist the dark urge to rip off their shirts and always fall for the blandest of all bland girls. Who turns out to be April. But as also the towns other residents seem to hide a few dark secrets of their own: Tyroline Toolwood the transexual son/daughter of Tyler and Caroline is the towns biggest blabbermouth but also the one suffering under the darkest of all curses: she can't close her mouth once ! Like her mother Tyroline is cursed with the curse of 'Annoyingciabitchia'. Klayley a young twenty something year old girl lives in town as well and as it turns out she's the kid of Klaus and Hayley, sadly she can't move any of her face muscles and sounds like a robot. You can NOT miss Summits new hit film series, starting with 'The Vampire Light - The Delena Supremacy in the Dark Halls of Nonsense Mountain - Part 2 - Part 1'. Witness all 189 minutes of screentime and witness how almost nothing is achieved in over 99% with the only interesting part being the credits and the short cameo of Michael Sheen that goes on for 10 seconds until the screen fades to black and you feel like the lowest kind of human being because you just watched 189 minutes of padding and fanservice. And for all hardcore fans out there: the Extended Cut that will have 10% longer stares each scene will be out only 2 years from the films release and be priced at only $89.99 !!! starring: What was her name again, she was the chick that Cas killed in the season premiere of Supernatural but I, for the life of me, can't remember her name as April Young Jaden 'me-no-act Smith as Damien Robert Paddy'sSon as Stephen Kristen Stewart as Klayley (she IS the punchline) Justine Bieber (post op) as Tyroline Daniel Radcliffe as a chop of wood standing around in the scenery (so pretty much the same character he played on 'Harry Potter') Dakota Fanning as Jersey Tanning Oh-Mei Go D. as random asian chick to shut up all the critics screaming for more diversity and with a special guest appearance from Will Smith as the guy that walks by the camera guy trying to avoid having his face shown because he's way too good for this sh*t...yeah Will Smith is too good for this flick...swallow that ! oh and the flick will cost 1.5 billion bucks to make ! Why ? We're blowing out all the budget for tons of coke !